I debated whether I should write about this but the truth of the matter is that there is probably someone out there that will benefit from me talking about my exploding nipple. Yeah, not a good thing. So I am putting aside my pride & forging on w/ the story.
As many of you know, I have been pumping/BFing for my trio since they were born. It is has been a LONG road to get this far. Many, many times I have had to deal w/ sore, cracked nipples. If you have pumped or BFed, you know what I am talking about. I guess I have become numb to the pain or maybe it is the Advil that kicks in after 30 min. I continue to be a glutton for punishment b/c I refuse to "hang up the horns" until the kids have turned 1. Even then, I will have to wean myself from pumping/BFing b/c I am still making over 60 oz of milk a day. Can you imagine going cold turkey?!?
Ok, let me get on w/ the original reason why I am posting about this. On Friday afternoon, I came upstairs to do my usual 2:30pm pumping session & afer about a minute of pumping, I realized all that was in the bottle was blood. Yep, blood...and not a little. About an ounce worth! This isn't the 1st time that I have busted my nipple open & bled out BUT this is the 1st time it didn't stop as soon as I turned the pump off. I bled through a cloth diaper & many, many paper towels besides the amount that went down the sink as I hung over it trying to control the bleeding.
I know, many of you would say "this is it, no more pumping" but I am stubborn. I realized I couldn't pump that side for that session & my anxiety level started to raise b/c I didn't know how I would get the milk out & the fear of engorgement started to hang over my head. Being engorged is no fun. Fortunately, the bleeding stopped & I was able to latch Ian on w/o him causing it to bleed. The crack was on the side, thankfully.
Of course, I started worrying about my last pumping session of the night. What if I wasn't able to? God help me! That meant I would be totally engorged come morning. Not a pleasant feeling & one that normally wakes me up way before 6:45am. I went up to pump at 8:30 & was praying as I climbed the stairs. Would I bleed again? Unfortuately the answer was YES. I started bleeding as profusely as I did earlier. I was not happy. Rather than just have 1 side engorged, I decided to go for ultimate torture & stop pumping the other side. What was the point?!?
I went to bed, sulking. My anxiety level was so high that I couldn't fall asleep for over an hour. Sad but true. What was I going to do if I couldn't pump in the morning? I wasn't ready to give it up! I want my kids to have my milk until they switch to cow milk! I started praying that God would miraculously heal my nipple come morning.
The night passed & I have to say, I slept well. I suppose the night before when Ian woke up to cry for over an hour, had caught up w/ me. I ran upstairs to pump & I started to bleed. I was FREAKING out! Now what? Well, the bleeding stopped. Divine intervention? I had my manual pump & wanted to use it to relieve the pressure. I NEEDED to relieve the pressure! I was very uncomfortable. A little at a time, & w/i 5 minutes, 3 oz had come out. Thank God!
I got brave & hooked myself up to the electric pump (it was already going for the other side) & I held my breath. NO BLOOD! WOOT! I got past it! To be on the safe side, every oz I got, I poured out in to another bottle. I sighed a huge sigh of relief!
Yes, it means that much to me. Yes, I want to hit my goal. Yes, it has been the most challenging aspect of having triplets. Yes, it is worth every ounce of pain & blood I have lost as well as all that extra sleep I could have gotten when the kids were younger. I know I have provided my trio the best possible for the 1st year. I have also saved us quite a bit of money.
I am mommy. I am proud.