When will it end? When can I catch a break? Damn, I have been pumping for 10.5 months. Can it not be easy towards the end? Why does it have to be so hard?
My body is ready.
I am not.
My mind was committed to pumping 4/day until March 1st. Why is it that I may have to drop my first session before that? What is the big deal anyway. It is only 10 days early anyway. I am still going to BF the boy at this time so it isn't like it should be a huge deal, right? Not.
Anxiety. Stress. FAILURE.
I know, I am crazy. How can it be failure when I have made it this far? Because. I was planning on going to the 1st of March & dropping a session 10 days before that date is failing to reach it. Because. If I start early, that means I am taking the 1st steps to stopping. I'm not ready but my body is. It is tired. It has done so much in the past 2 years, starting w/ IVF treatments, sustaining 3 growing babies, & then nourishing these babies until their 1st birthday.
You would think that would bring comfort. Maybe tomorrow. Not today. Today it makes me sad.
My kids will still get my milk, just not as much. That should be ok. It WILL be ok.
My pump, my best friend for 200 minutes a day. My time on the computer. My time to watch my kids play. My time to sit down. My time...no longer in that way. It is time.