Ah, the pumping days are numbered. Yes, I am thankful to have more time on my hands but then I have to contend w/ the idea that my girls will no longer be getting fresh milk from mommy & while that doesn't seem like it should be a big deal, it kind of is. I was chatting w/ a friend about it & explaining that it would be easier if I knew this wasn't the last time I would be experiencing this but reality is that this is it. As much as having another baby would be great, I know it won't happen. We are pretty much done unless God decides differently.
This is why it is hard. Pumping gave me another purpose that w/ as much as I went through, the mastitis, clogged ducts, etc., I knew my kids were getting an INVALUABLE resource from Mommy that no one else could give them. Yes, there will be new things to replace that time & be even more special, eventually. For now, my heart hurts a little.
I'm down to 20 minutes in the morning which is only yielding about 3 oz of milk & 10 minutes right before bedtime. Tonight I am only going to pump 5 minutes & by Saturday night, will not pump before bed. I can't count how many times I would finish w/ dinner & wish that I could just go to bed. Well, I'm right there. It is going to happen but part of me is going to miss that quiet time I had to do my computer stuff & be ALONE. It was my "me" time. My down time.
As well as stopping pumping, I am weaning Ian down to twice a day. We are at 3/day. I'm going to let him self-wean. No need to rush b/c this is it. I will never breastfeed another baby....WAAAAAAAA! Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be "that mom". You know the one that is still nursing their kid past the age of one. Who would have thought? And, for the record, my heart does ache that I do not have this continued bond w/ my girls. I wish they wouldn't have weaned so early but they did. I cried for a month when they stopped. It hurt b/c it was our snuggle time. Don't worry, we have plenty of opportunities to snuggle now.
My special role will continue and like many other things in life, I am ending 1 chapter to move on to the next.