Friday, April 24, 2009

Am I depriving my kids?

I don't know if this will sound right but I think it is important for me to share this, especially to those that have multiples.

My friend, Susan (another triplet mommy), & I were talking on the phone a couple of weeks ago. The topic was about how we felt "robbed" from many normal mommy experiences. It starts w/ a triplet pregnancy being high risk from the get go. To many, the belly touching & the comments about being pregnant are not welcomed & can even get annoying BUT for us, they were virtually non-existent. I was on bed rest for half of the pregnancy, from 18 weeks until I delivered. I never got to answer when I was due while I was out at the store or have people gawk at my tummy. She agreed, saying that we got to miss out on that part of a regular pregnancy. I could go on for ever...the cute maternity clothes, the designated driver position, etc.

The same goes for parenting, except this time I wonder if me not getting out of the house is depriving my children of so many "normal" experiences. We don't go to the grocery store, Walmart, to family/friend's homes, to the park, to the zoo, out to eat at a restaurant, and the list could go on and on and on. As Susan & I were talking, we both realized that our children would not experience the weekly trip to the grocery store & that taking them was going to be a "special event". I think we were both a bit saddened by this thought. So many things that many others take for granted, we do not.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a pity party b/c I honestly LOVE being at home all day w/ my kids, hearing them talk to one another & discovering new abilities every day BUT I also don't want the grocery store to be a special place to visit. I want them to be familiar w/ the world, not just our home & subdivision. The problem is taking 3 children out is a BIG production if you are alone, not so much if you have help. The flip side, I don't want to deprive my children of day to day experiences & become sheltered children.

The solution? I'm not sure. I do know that I am making more of an effort to get out w/ them at least once a week. That doesn't sound like much but compared to the handful of times we got out during the fall/winter, it is a huge improvement.
Our first field trip was to the local firehouse. Our second? To one of my favorite places in the world...HOBBY LOBBY! Man, I just can't get enough of that place! Luckily, Sheila was available to assist me once again. She has been banned from ever getting a job that would require her to work during the day, haha!

As w/ any field trip, there were a couple of bumps in the road. We forgot the diaper bag. Thankfully Hobby Lobby is only about 5 minutes from my house. The girls didn't have any shoes or socks on, oops. At least they were clothed! As organized as I was w/ the list, I left a few things off. I had to return that evening, sans kids.

The highlights were that the kids LOVED their new seats! They also seemed to enjoy the converted Triple Decker stroller which will soon be all decked out w/ a sun canopy & covered seats w/ a head rest. The kids enjoyed all the colors & got involved by holding the spools of tulle I needed. Overall, the trip was a huge success! I have already planned next week's field trip over to Sheila's & am sure there may be a trip over to the grandparents home as well. YAY for new found freedom & as we say in Spanish, "aprovechando".

Here are the kids in their seats. Ian smiled from ear to ear the whole way there & back.

Here is the trio in the Triple Decker w/o all the good stuff we ordered. It was super easy to convert from the infant carriers to the Bell Bicycle seats.


Brittanie said...

I don't think you're depriving them. Honestly? That's how I grew up. We weren't triplets, but my two older brothers and I are really close together (Oct.'80, Dec.'81, Mar.'83). My mother didn't get out with us much. The weekly trip to the grocery store WAS a big event. But that's okay too. I think once a week is a good goal.

And they look so cute in their seats! Erin was like Ian, she LOVED being forward facing!

Jaime said...

I'm glad there are others out there that feel the same way I do, but honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Kelly said...

It's funny. No matter how you have your kids, you always feel like they are missing out on something. I always felt the same way as you with my triplets, they loved going out so much, but we just couldn't do it as often as moms with one baby. Now, I have a little guy and the poor thing always has to do all of my errands with me. I think he spends as much time in Target in a month than my triplets have in their whole life. Don't worry about all evens out. His experience isn't better than my triplets, but it definitely is different....he gets a lot more mommy time, but they had a lot more brother time. I'm thinking that my singleton would prefer more brother time than mommy time these days. ;)

2SetsOfTwins4Me said...

Omg, they look so cute in their seats and you are right, look how happy Ian is, you can tell they loved it.

And i don't think they are deprived at all. When my older twins were little, i never took them anywhere really, and i only had 2 then. I would usually just take 1 kid and the next time i went somewhere, i would take the other, and they would take turns.

txsjewels said...

not sure how to comment here... i was a "single birth" mom, and i almost never left the house before my little ones were about 18 mos--too much pain, no pleasure... certainly didn't cart them around to friends houses or the grocery store if i could help it. also, ALL mommies walk out the door with shoeless kids and no diaper bag. actually, i had to turn back home this morning when my daughter suddenly realized she was shoeless. and she's six. you may just be more normal than you think! don't sweat the small stuff. but do pack up those puppies this saturday and let them come play at auntie julie's!!!! i have cotton candy!!!

Shane & Renee said...

I take my 20 month olds out about 4 times a week alone and as a family on weekends. We carry clorox anywhere spray and I put them in a buggy and we just roam. I also take them to the local parks and zoo by myself with their halters and leashes. I am not knocking you, just pre plan every step of the way, that is what I have to do. Mine actually have very good behavior when were out because it is something new. Good luck and post how your trips go!

Jen said...

I could have written this post myself. We are working on getting out more. It is hard and stressful, but I don't want to always be dependant on a helper. It is a little easier and less stress as they have gotten older. But I completely understand, my sister had my niece 2 weeks after I had the triplets and she was out shopping with her within the first week or two. My experience has been that most singleton parents I know are carting their babies everywhere. Now that can always be annoying to them as I am sure they would love to do errands without a co-pilot ll the time. Hope that makes sense. One thing I have done is realize I am doing the best I can for them. And you are doing the same for your kiddos.
BTW, they look great in their trio loved it the minute they got to face forward!

Laura Rucker said...

Okay, I sort of can relate. I have 4 kids total the first 2 are 18 months apart and the other 2 are twins. At the beginning we didn't take them out much b/c of RSv etc. Then I had to go to the Dr. etc . I had no choice and no help. On occasion my mom could help but my husband has to work to provide so sometimes we could arrange for him to come and other times I just had to figure it out.
We have always believed that you have to train your kids how to act in public. We have always eaten out once a week and we have taught them how to sit and eat and be occupied. Although it is only a hour because we eat fast but we have it down to a science. I always make sure they are fed and I always keep diapers and wipes in the car just in case and I have forgotten the diaper bag on several occasions. Have confidence in yourself to get the job done. I don't know if you have tried it by yourself yet but do it you might be surprised and oh bty my duo love car rides and now that we are forward facing it is even better. Take them out Enjoy life and them. They are only little once and I know you will be pleased about getting out and experienceing the park,zoo and grocery store. The only thing about the grocery store is that you can only pick up a few things b/c you have a stroller but I will have to say I have been known to push a double stroller and pull a shopping cart with a toddler through the store. It is funny but I get what I need. Take them out you can do it!@ You will be happier and feel less gulity they are old enough now. Good Luck, Best wishes and I want to see pics of your outing with them!

JO said...

I can understand your feelings. But honestly, take it from a mom of almost 11 yo triplets, they really aren't missing out. They are experiencing so many things and sights and pleasures of spending time with you and with each other, with a special bond, and special memories, no one will grow up feeling deprived because their "triple" reality and normalcy is different than what most of us can relate to. Please don't worry - you will go out more and more as they get past the baby stage, and they will have wonderful childhood memories. Honest.


Adi said...

Marcus loves forward facing too! And I don't think you're d epriving them at all. Honestly, they're getting so much interaction with eachother that I bet more than once a week would be total overload! I love the stroller! I bet you get gawks with that thing! :D

Lori said...

Your kids will be fine. Going places with little ones is way over-rated. I had eight babies in twelve years and while we never had any multiples, when I had four 4-years-old and younger I didn't take them too many places by myself. I mean, I could only fit about a gallon of milk around the kids in the cart.
You've gotten a lot of great advice and I would reiterate the advice to tag-team with your husband and take one child with you whenever one of you runs errands. In this way, they learn "store" manners and have alone time with mom or dad; always fun for the kiddos:)
Love your blog and the little ones are darling.
Have a great day!

Leslie said...

Such cutie pies! I can't wait to see them (and you) in the summer!

Allison said...

It'll get easier as they get older. We take ours to the store, out to eat, etc. I haven't done it by myself because I watch an 8 mo old during the week so we are at home. But if you plan it out, going out is pretty easy. It does take practice though! Since they don't get out alot, mine are so good when we do go out! Everyone always comments on it, and I always tell them it's because they never go anywhere and just love to stare at the big world! haha
I just took my girl out this morning and shopped with her for the first time. That was awesome! I bet they'll like the alone time with you much more than going out all together!

Kaplanovs said...

I have to agree with most of what was said, your kids are probably benefiting hugely from just having you and their siblings all to themselves! I feel for you, I live here in a foreign country with (almost) no friends and no family, no car, in a small town. But you adapt, there are so many other things you can do instead! Be creative, read, sing, paint or draw, 'cook' or fold laundry with the kids, and don't feel guilty about any of it, you are doing so much!

Angela said...

It's ok that you haven't been out much and very understandable. The more you go the easier it gets! I'm a little opposite and am looking for any opp. to get out of the house after naps!!! What do the headrests look like for your TD? I'm so glad you posted pics of the toddler seats. Yours are the very first pics I could find with actual babies in the seats!! Do you think they have much growing room in them? I'm desperate for more pics and info on the TD!!!