Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Divorce

No, not mine. I said I wasn't going to talk about it. I really wasn't. That was my full intention but after seeing "the episode" of Jon & Kate Plus 8 & crying over what is happening to them, I am going to talk about it.

What I am not going to do, bash them. They are humans & have feelings. Although I would not choose their lifestyle, I respect them. They are going through tremendous pressure, whether they brought it on themselves or what ever other reason people are saying is irrelevant.

I think this needs to be talked about. Why is it that HOM families have a higher divorce rate? Could it be the stress of having 3+ children at one time, creating an instant larger than average family? Could it be that most couples experienced some kind of infertility before hand & that put stress on the relationship prior to the pregnancy? Could it just be that having a baby is hard, whether it is 1, 2, 3, or more? What is the cause?

I don't want to say we are better than any other family out there b/c trust me when I say this, we have had our fair share of arguments in this first year of the kids' lives. I'll even admit, the thought has crossed my mind on how it would be to have to care for these 3 kids by myself & honestly, that scared me enough to figure out the issue at hand & work on it.

Marriage is so easy bail out on now days. You can even file your own paperwork w/o the help of an attorney. It doesn't cost much to do unless you are going to fight about who gets what & custody. I've been through it before. Yep, I am in the official stats. Thankfully, no children were attached to that short lived marriage.

What is different about this time? Besides having kids? Lots. I'm a much different person. I think that marriages are really hard. Don't get me wrong, they can be really enjoyable but there is always the flip side. For every up, there is a down. Marriages don't escape that rule. Yeah, there are times I rather just think about myself & not deal w/ considering anyone else but that is just not an option anymore. I have 3 precious children that deserve a complete family. I will do what ever it takes to make it work. End of story.

Now, for Jon & Kate. They have quite a few resources at their fingertips. They need to get some counseling & work through their issues, individually & as a couple. Seeing how worn down Jon looks & the anger & defeat Kate was exuding just really tugged at my heart strings. Maybe I'm a sucker. I don't think they signed up for all this. Sure, it is one thing to share your life w/ 8 children thinking that it wouldn't ever get as big as it has gotten BUT it is completely different to see your dirty laundry on the cover of a tabloid. No one ever signs up for that. How absolutely horrifying, more so for those precious babies than anyone else, but horrifying just the same.

I really hope they can work things out. It breaks my heart to see anyone go through a divorce. It isn't fun, no matter the circumstances. I'm tired of hearing that Kate was a tyrant & that Jon isn't the father that he needs to be. What? How do we know what really goes on behind closed doors? Really? We don't know everything. Whether you think they sold out their family or that Kate is fame hungry, ask yourself if this is what they really envisioned b/c when I saw that episode last night, I could see the pain & desperation in both of their faces. I could see both of them have been beaten down by everything & are tired. I can see that they are both questioning everything that has taken place in the past 5 years. I haven't seen anything in their show that makes me think they deserve this. I think it is safe to say we all have skeletons in our closet & probably have treated our significant others in ways we wouldn't treat a dog. Who are we to judge?

Rather than pick up that tabloid, think about whether you would want your dirty laundry out there for everyone to read & critique. I leave you with this quote from the Bible.

"So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
John 8:7

13 comments:

Nicole Montgomery said...

It was so nice to read something since Monday that was not trashing them. You saw it the same way as Tom and I. Honestly, I feel the same way.

Amber said...

I see it the same way! I feel horrible for them and you are right they did not sign up for this!

Erin said...

Wow...I totally agree with everything you said... I am not a mother of multiples..Just a Mama to 4 boys! I know how hard it is to have 1 babe at a time I could never imagine having multiple babies that would be awesome, but I can imagine the struggle too. Your babies are precious and I really enjoy your blog. Just found it last week. Have a blessed day.

love and blessings from ga~erin

Trish said...

I'm so glad to see something not bashing them. I've never watched the show (don't really watch tv) but I've been hearing people go off on the radio about them.

Rose said...

Good for you for not trashing them. I feel the same way, it really killed me to see Kate in such a low place, and to see Jon so defeated.

Beth said...

The news about their marital problems broke just as my husband and I finished a marathon of Jon and Kate season 3 on DVD. I saw news commentators with pure glee in their eyes discuss how Kate was really going to get Jon for cheating on her. The whole thing made me sick and very sad. I keep thinking about those children and how much they need and deserve both parents, and it would behoove the producers of the show to offer to pay for marital counseling since they helped contribute to its problems. I hope they work it out for the sake of their whole family!

txsjewels said...

hate to be the lone voice of dissent in this conversation but i don't think their marital problems are a result of their multiples as much as it is a result of putting their lives on television for the whole country to see. and judge.

marriage is hard enough. Period. add 8 kids. come on. that's triplets times THREE...almost. (i've never been good at math). then pile fame on top of that. recipe for destruction. we all saw this coming, didn't we?

you want to see how cynical i REALLY am??? i wouldn't be surprised to find out that they're working a deal to keep the show on after the split. jon&kate plus visitation. imagine the ratings for a little mediation coverage. you'd tune in. you know you would.

the money from the show does a lot for their family. but at what cost?

maybe if they turned off the cameras and concentrated on their own reality instead of letting us into it, things would be better.

just my opinion.

txsjewels said...

and another thing: if you ever title another post "Divorce" i'm going to come over there and confiscate your keyboard. i just about had a heart attack.

good lord woman. what's tomorrow's blog title: "Cancer" ?

Stephanie said...

I didn't watch the whole episode, but I saw the last 15 minutes. That was enough. Enough for me to see two very hurt and lost people. Enough for me to see that They WANT to still love each other. Enough to feel ashamed for allowing myself to become a voyeur into their lives. Yes, they put it out there, but that didn't mean the world had to get so obsessed. It's like when you drive by a car accident and can't turn your head. It's horrendous. I do not plan on watching this season, and i will not allow my previously obsessed 6 year old to watch either. They need to step back from the cameras and back into their real lives. Their kids deserve that.

Surviving Triplets said...

Ah, Julie...no worries. You know how much I am in love w/ Todd! Besides, you would at least get a phone call before a post on a blog!

Stephanie ~ I will agree w/ you 100%. They do need to turn the cameras off, step away from the limelight & reflect upon what is happening & if they really love one another & those 8 kids, they will find their way back together. God be with them.

Astrid

Triplet Mami said...

I totally agree. I think the media is in it to rip people up and have the ratings as high as possible. The look on both their faces was so somber. They looked liked they have been backed into a corner and are fighting to find a way out of the madness and into some clarity. But living with multiples is a hard pill to swallow, but not any harder I think than any other family with more than one child or even with a sick child. It's hard work nonetheless!

Karen said...

This is another one of those 'experiences changes everything' for me.

Before kids, I could not understand how and why people who had young children would divorce. I would think 'if your relationship was having trouble, why have children'. But now, NOW!!!! I understand the strain that children put onto your relationship.

People hurt whether there are cameras on them or not. I feel very bad for anyone having martial difficulties.

good post astrid.

Lisa said...

Every well written Astrid. It was nice to see a article that was not one sided and actually got to the point instead of bashing one or both of them!