Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Dreaded 2am Feeding

Yep, dreaded. I know it sounds silly but I had a little breakdown b/c I had to face the 2am feeding all by myself. I have no idea why. On Sunday night, I had to feed the trips by myself at 2am b/c Todd could not help since he has to work the next day. I know & support that he needs to sleep through that feeding but that left me to do it w/ no help. Through last Thursday night, his dad has been coming over to help w/ that feeding so this was new territory we were entering.

You may ask why? What is it about the 2am feeding that has you trippin' out? Honestly, I have no idea so I had to post a thread to my girls over at Triplet Connection about why I was so damn scared to do it on my own. Hey, at least I could admit I was afraid of the feeding. There are several reasons why as it turns out AND I am not the only one out there that also feared this feeding. What a relief to know my apprehension & fears was legit!

So, let's figure this out. Why would I be afraid of the 2am feeding? Well, the 1st thing that came to mind was that I wasn't going to be able to hold each baby & have that special 1 on 1 time w/ them. It is more like a fine tuned machine when you have to bottle prop. Everything has to be just right so the bottle stays up & the baby keeps sucking. This brings on the 2nd issue. What if they all need to be burped at the same time? Duh...you do it 1 at a time. Yeah, I know, I was still scared about it.

What if they all started fussing or crying at the same time? How do I know which one to go to first? Seriously, this one really had me worried. I am one of those people that is self-sufficient so the idea of waking Todd up if something went wrong didn't even cross my mind. I want him to be able to sleep since he goes to work. I figure if it gets bad enough, he will understand me needing the help. So I let go the idea that I was totally on my own w/o help b/c the truth of the matter is that there is help if I truly need it.

Then it gets deeper...we get in to the phsycological aspect of the situation which I would have never considered but another triplet mom brought it up & it totally made sense. Todd & I waited so long for these babies & I want to love every single minute I have w/ them. I don't want to feel badly b/c I can't hold them. It makes me feel icky inside & then b/c I feel icky, I feel like I am not loving every minute I have w/ them. Does that make sense? Basically, here I am telling myself that I will love every minute & then I get this feeling of impending doom about the 2am feeding & it just makes me jump on that emotional rollercoaster again. The ups & downs are incredible!

Well...I bet you are wondering how the 2am feedings have been going. They have been going fantasticly well! Seriously, besides having to wake up in the middle of the night which sucks any way you look at it, the feedings themselves have been a sinch. Honestly, it is easier to do a middle of the night feeding than a day feeding. The kids know that after they eat, they go right back to sleep. There is no fidgiting or squirming around when they eat at 11pm & 2am. They are all about sucking down their bottles, getting their diaper changed & falling right back to sleep. Last night, we were finished in about 18 minutes. Yep, that is fed & changed. GO MOMMY!

I guess the whole point of this post is that being scared of being all alone in the middle of the night w/ 3 hungry children can be a challenge & frightening. After all, I am a 1st time mommy. I'm learning as I go along. If you have felt this way & beat yourself up over it, let it go. It is ok to have those feelings. Seriously, just make yourself do it & then your fears will go away.


Shannon said...

Wow! 18 minutes, that is awesome!
I think I can understand how you feel..you want to enjoy every moment you have with your blessings but I'm sure there is some mommy guilt going on if you feel like you can't meet all their needs immediately.
Good for you for working out your feelings about it. Having 3 at once comes with special challenges for sure. I know you may not feel this way all the time, but I think you are doing a great job, super mommy.

Meluch+3 said...

18 minutes????!!!!!!

Can you bottle that and sell it?



Leslie said...

I am sure you are doing the best you can...which knowing you, is a wonderful job! Don't beat yourself up about it. You are only one person, my dear!

Mom of 3 Cute Babies said...

I knew you could do it! I am glad it went well and now you are turning into a Pro!

Konchar Family said...

Don't forget that you are sleep-deprived, and that will make everything even harder than it already is. It was 6 weeks before I slept longer than a 1 1/2 hour block of time with my twins, and by then my eyes no longer worked in conjunction with each other. I know it is hard, but try to put in one or two 20 minute power naps into your day (set your alarm!). Worth more to your sanity and your ability to cope than one can imagine. (Consider cat naps a skill in your mothering bag of tricks.) Keep up the good work!

Kerrie (Kat) Tankersley said...

Keep up the great work, you are doing awesome!!!

Jen said...

Hi there fellow triplet mommy!
I found your blog while surfing around Blogger and thought I'd send a word of encouragement. I had BBG trips in May 2005 (they just turned 3) at 30 weeks and they're doing great now...no delays or developmental problems at all. I was reading your 2AM feeding post and your bedrest posts....boy, did that bring back some memories!
We're now in the thick of potty-training. My middle guy in fact just ran in from the bathroom with a bare butt that hasn't been wiped so you have all kinds of wonders to look forward to!

Feel free to drop by my blog when you have one of those free minutes ;-)

Congrats and God bless!

Anonymous said...

glad to read all is going well for you.
been enjoying reading all

jhp1421 said...

Oh Astrid, I wish I could fly out and help you because I know the scared feeling and I wish it on no one. You have to know that you are doing so great! By 6 weeks old I was DONE with the pumping and I just moved on to bottles of formula, you are a champ! I admire what you are doing for your babies. But don't forget, if you aren't rested, fed, showered and somewhat happy, those babies won't be happy, they sense everything! Try as hard as you can to be good to yourself. Please, don't hesitate to e-mail me any questions, I've been through it all and I'd love to help someone through it. Keep your chin up, you are AWESOME!